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  Of course, my pride was way too high to give her my blessing right away, so I was going to wait until shit cooled down a little bit and then I would have that talk with her. Besides, I knew Quay, and if what Monae said was true about him breaking up with her, then she needed to give that man his space. Quay had a temper just like mine, so she needed to let shit cool off first before she tried to talk to him. Until then, she was going to keep her little hot ass at my house. Shit, Monae thought she had it bad and I treated her like a little girl, shit she ain’t seen the way I have Charlie’s ass on lock. My baby mama wasn’t even allowed to have a damn Instagram. There was a method to my madness, though. I know Charlie, and I know that she’s still not used to this famous lifestyle. Bitches are reckless and messy, and I don’t need bitches I used to fuck with, hell that I’m probably still fuckin’, to bring that bullshit to Charlie. I’ll admit, I was a nigga at the end of the day and I wasn’t 100% faithful. So, to kind of keep my mess to myself, I didn’t let Charlie have an Instagram because I felt like someway, somehow, these bitches was going to find a way to fuck up Charlie’s head and she was going to leave my ass. If Charlie did see some snake shit on Instagram, it’s because she saw it on Monae or Toya’s phone.

  Pulling up to my house out on Star Island, I parked my car and turned the ignition off. Monae had fallen asleep, due to the hour drive, so I reached over and shook her. She woke up, groaned, and then reached in the back for her purse before she got out of the car. I noticed Charlie’s car wasn’t in the driveway, so I figured that she had to be on her way over. For the past month, Charlie had been crashing at my house with our daughter, only going home on the weekends. I don’t know what type of point she was trying to make, but she might as well just move in. I mean, if we were going to make this relationship work, she may as well stay her ass over here for good.

  We got out of the car in silence and walked up to the house. I unlocked the door and let Monae go inside first and then I went in after her. I typed in the code for the alarm and watched as Monae took the spiral stairs up to her room. I knew she was pissed, and I knew that she wouldn’t be coming down anytime soon. I walked into the kitchen find something to eat, but there wasn’t shit here for me to warm up, and I didn’t feel like eating any of the junk food that we kept in the cabinets for China.

  “Monae!” I yelled, walking into the foyer of the house so she could hear me.

  “What?” she screamed down.

  “Come down here right quick,” I yelled back up.

  A few minutes later, she made her way down the stairs. I noticed that she had changed out of her shorts and threw on some tights.

  “What?” she asked, standing at the bottom of the staircase.

  “Come make your big brother something to eat, please. It ain’t shit in here for a nigga to warm up,” I confessed.

  “Wait, so let me get this straight. You barge into my room, catch me having sex, jack me up, fight with Quay, and then have him break up with me, and now you want me to fix you something to eat?” she asked, looking at me with confused eyes.

  “Come on, girl, with your shit talking ass,” I said, pulling her and wrapping my arm around her shoulder.

  I kissed her cheek and she walked to the kitchen to whip something up while I went into the den to watch videos. As soon as I put the TV on MTV Jams, my video, Thugged Out Bitch started playing. Out of all the damn videos I have, this had to be my favorite. Not only because my baby mama was in it, but it was our story, and the shit was real and true. I pissed a lot of my bitches off with this video, but shit, I didn’t care.

  Ten minutes later, the doorbell rang and it sounded throughout the whole house. I knew it wasn’t anyone except for Charlie’s ass. She insisted on not using the key that I told her she can keep, saying she didn’t want to overstep her boundaries. In her head, I think she still thought of us as just the parents to China and that we were co-parenting. I’ve expressed to her numerous times that I was ready for a relationship, but I just needed her to bear with a nigga because I knew I wasn’t a saint. I got up from the couch and went to answer the door. I opened it and Charlie was standing there with China directly in front of her. I opened the door for them with a big smile on my face.

  “Hey Daddy,” China said and wrapped her arms around my neck as I picked her up.

  I noticed Charlie was still standing there, texting away on her phone.

  “I’m not staying. I just dropped her off. I have to head back to the store. Inventory coming in at four, and I want to help out,” she said, finally looking up from her phone.

  I put China down and told her to go in the house, and then I closed the front door and stepped closer to Charlie. I admired the tight fitting black dress that she wore, which stopped a little bit before her knees, and her red spiked out blazer. On her feet were a pair of black Christian Louboutin’s and her red hair was parted down the middle with wand curls. Beautiful wasn’t even the word to describe this woman standing in front of me.

  “Charlie, you own that motha fuckin’ store! I bought that shit so you can order bitches around and look good while doing it. Let the people who work for you handle that other shit, that’s not your job. You worked already today, why do you feel the need to go back?” I asked her.

  “Jaquan, you know how I am and when inventory comes in, I want it stocked perfectly. If I don’t go, I’m going to be calling around there every five minutes to see what’s going on, so I might as well be there and help,” she said.

  “Alright, do what you got to do. Oh, and Monae is in the house.” I leaned back on the front door with my legs spread apart and crossed my arms over my chest.

  “Really? Why she here?” Charlie asked with a confused look on her face.

  “You knew about her and Quay?” I questioned and watched as she lost eye contact with me. That was the first clue that she was about to start lying.

  “Wait! Huh?” she asked me.

  I put my hand down and grabbed her by her arm, yanking her to me and resting both of my large hands on her ass. “You heard me. I said did you know about Monae and Quay?”

  Charlie let out a nervous sigh. I knew she was prolonging the question because she felt that her loyalty lay with my sister, so if my sister had told Charlie to keep it a secret, then that’s what she was going to do.

  “You ain’t got to be scared to tell me. I know the shit already. I caught them fuckin’ at my mama’s house,” I said, still a little on the edge about catching that shit.

  “You’re lying! “Charlie gasped. She pulled away from my grasp, but I pulled her back and held her tighter.

  “I swear to God,” I announced and Charlie had a stunned look on her face.

  “Wow, that’s crazy. So, how’s Monae? What is she in there doing?” Charlie asked after I ran down everything to her.

  “She okay. She was crying and shit on the way over here, but she in the kitchen cooking now,” I told Charlie.

  “Hmm, I know my best friend and I know that she’s still not in the best of moods right now, so I’m not going to go in there fuckin’ with her. I’ll talk to her when I get back, once she cools all the way down. And I’ll see you later tonight? Or are you going to the studio?” she asked.

  “Shit, since Monae here, I may as well,” I said.

  Charlie nodded her head. “Okay, well behave yourself and I’ll see you whenever you come back home.”

  “What you mean behave myself?” I asked.

  “What I’m saying to you is, keep my dick in your pants, nigga!” she said.

  I looked down at her and smirked. “I got you.” And with that, I leaned in and kissed her soft lips a few times before she pulled away. I watched her as she walked over to her, car and once she got in and pulled off, I headed back inside the house.

  Chapter 3: Toya

  “Hey Diandre, this is Toya. I’m going over some paperwork and I noticed that there are a few papers that I didn’t have you sign for the condo. When you get a chance, please call me back so th
at we can schedule a time for you to come to my office,” I said, leaving a message after the beep and then I hung up the phone in my office.

  I dreaded having to call this cocky ass nigga, but the shit had to be done. I just knew that I was done with him and wouldn’t have to worry about seeing or hearing from him once I had given him the keys for the condo, but clearly things didn’t work out in my favor.

  This was my life right now. I was a full-time buyer’s agent and I loved and hated my job at the same time. I wasn’t your traditional, black girl … wait, but then again, I wasn’t fully black. In fact, I was mixed. My mother was a beautiful Puerto Rican woman while my supposed father was an African American male, but I’ll talk my shit about him later on down the line. If my mother taught me anything as a child, she taught me that there wasn’t anything cute about a woman who lacked education and who was lazy. My mother instilled in me the importance of going to school and finding a good job so that I wouldn’t have to ever depend on a nigga for shit. Which is why I graduated number one in my high school class at the age of 17, was qualified as my class valedictorian with a G.P.A of a 4.6, and never brought home anything less than straight A’s.

  After graduating high school, I moved to Tallahassee, where I had a full ride to attend Florida State University. Out of all the colleges that I had been accepted into, FSU is where I wanted to go, and I had known that since the 6th grade.

  I’m not going to sit here and think of some sad story to tell about my past because I am proud of the way I was raised. I am proud to say that my mother was a single parent and I didn’t want for shit as a child. There was always food on the table, clothes on my back, and most importantly, a roof over my head. My mother was a beautiful woman. She would put you in the mindset of the late singer, Selena because she was just that beautiful. She did it all by herself. Took me to school, worked, made sure she was there for all of my cheerleading competitions and just loved me unconditionally.

  I’ve seen pictures of my father in the past from what my mom showed me, and I’ll admit that a face that looked so loving and kind was the complete opposite of his actions. My father was a Black man, almost the color of caramel, with gray eyes that I inherited from him. My mother showed me a picture of him when I was a little girl and that picture is forever embedded into my head. Like every other little girl, I longed for a father in my life. I wanted to be a daddy’s girl and live in a two parent household. It’s funny because, as a child, I would convince myself that my father was coming back, but when I turned sixteen, I knew that my father coming to see me was never going to actually happen.

  As a child, you are very much aware of the things that are happening around you. I say that to say, at five years old, I knew something wasn’t right. I knew that I would see other little girl’s dads come and pick them up from school while it was always my mother for me. Which is why I began to question my mother about him. She put it the best way she could at the time, and told me that my father wasn’t around because he was scared of responsibility. Of course, as a five-year-old little girl, I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. It wasn’t until I turned eighteen, that my mother decided to use different terms and basically tell me that my daddy wasn’t shit and he was a coward for running away from responsibility.

  My mother explained to me the type of relationship that my so called father and her shared. She confessed to me the numerous times he cheated on her, the constant disrespect and the creeping in right before the sun rose. She also informed me that since the day she announced her pregnancy to him, she hadn’t heard from him since, which is some real coward shit. My mother told me that abortion never crossed her mind, and she didn’t cry or beg for that nigga to stay. For that alone, even though my mother isn’t here with me, I still have the utmost respect for her, and I don’t know a woman alive that’s braver than she is.

  And now, at the age of twenty-four, I just felt lost and angry all the damn time. I had so much to be proud of, but the truth of the matter is, I felt like I had no one. My own father didn’t want me, and the one person that I loved to death was taken away from me; my mother. My mom died in a terrible car accident last year, and honestly, I still wasn’t over her death. I still cry myself to sleep almost every night because I’m lost, and it still feels like yesterday that she was suddenly taken away from me. Just like myself, my mother was an only child, so I didn’t have any aunties or uncles that I could spend time with. Yes, I had Monae and Charlie, but they had lives of their own, and I didn’t expect them to put their lives on hold because of me. Besides, I honestly felt like they couldn’t relate to what I was going through.

  I didn’t even realize that I had started crying until a tear hit the paper that was sitting on top of my desk. Quickly, wiped my eyes and stood up from my chair. Looking down at my watch, I noticed that it was 10:33 at night. I picked up my black blazer that was sitting on the chair in front of me and quickly put it on. I was trying to get paperwork in order and at least five houses printed out that I could show to a family of three tomorrow morning. Once I grabbed my purse, I turned the light off in my office, locked the door and left.

  “Hey, Toya! I didn’t know you were still here,” my co-worker James said and walked in my direction.

  I let out an annoyed sigh and contemplated whether I should just keep walking and pretend that I didn’t hear him, or just turn around and make this conversation short and sweet. I decided on the latter, even though his ass gave me the creeps.

  “Hey, I was in there finishing up some paperwork, but I’m going to head out now,” I said, hoping that he’d catch the hint that I was trying to leave.

  “Oh, okay, that’s cool. You never got back to me with your answer,” James said.

  “My answer about what?”

  “You told me that you would let me know if I could take you out on a date.”

  “James, you’re a nice guy, but I’m going to have to pass on that one. I have a lot going on right now with me, and honestly, I don’t need any distractions. But, one day, if we’re both free, we can go to lunch on our break. Not a date or anything, just two coworkers going out together and having lunch,” I told him. I needed to make it clear that it wasn’t going to be anything more than that.

  James was a cute guy and all, he just wasn’t my type. Hell, I didn’t even know what the fuck my type was. All I knew was that James was Hispanic and I really wasn’t into dating Hispanic or white guys. It’s crazy because I’m half Puerto Rican, but if I were to get a boyfriend, I would prefer him to be black. I need someone who could handle me and wouldn’t get scared and run off like a little bitch. I’ll admit, I am mean as fuck and I have a bad attitude, and not everyone can put up with someone as fierce as myself. I was getting older, though, and I knew that I needed to start dating because I didn’t want to die an old, bitter bitch. It’s just that all the niggas I came across were so fuckin’ lame! Wait, let me rewind that because Diandre was a lot of things, but the nigga wasn’t lame. He was just cocky as hell and we wouldn’t be good for each other. I could already tell.

  “Okay, I’ll be looking forward to it,” James said.

  I nodded and headed for the elevator and took it down to the 1st floor, which was the parking garage. I made sure I had my taser out and my keys in my hand. It was so dangerous to walk inside of a parking garage at night, especially for a woman, but this was the only parking area we had. I got inside my jeep, quickly locked the doors and pulled out of my parking spot. For some reason, I was craving some yellow rice, fried lobster tail, shrimp, and macaroni and cheese from Finga Lickin. So, that’s where I decided to head.

  Thirty minutes later, I pulled up to the hood and parked my car right in front. I dreaded getting out because it was plenty of niggas standing out front, and as a woman, I hated walking past a group of men by myself.

  I sucked my teeth, took my blazer off and set it down in the passenger seat. That left me wearing a pair of high waist jeans from Guess and a white Guess tank that I had tu
cked in. It was Friday, so I always wore jeans on Friday. I had a pair of gold Balenciaga pumps on my feet and my long honey brown hair hung in a part down the middle, resting just above my ass. I grabbed my purse, shut the car off and got out of the car. I locked it, and as soon as the niggas saw me, they started howling like a bunch of wild animals. This is why I didn’t even want to get out the damn car. Shit like this never fails.

  Chapter 4: Dre

  I was standing outside of Finga Lickin with a few of my niggas that I knew from around the way when I heard a whole bunch of howling and shit. If you from Miami, then you know when you hear a bunch of niggas making loud ass noises like that, it clearly means that a bad bitch just appeared. I tried my best to look over there because it was a bunch of niggas surrounding the figure, and finally, about five niggas rushed to open the door for her. When I saw that sexy ass walk, in those tight ass jeans, I already knew that it was my future wife.

  “I’m coming back,” I said to the group of niggas that I was talking to.

  I made my way inside the restaurant and watched as she walked up to the counter and ordered her food. If it was even humanly possible, she looked even better than she did the last time I saw her. This shit I was doing was way out of my league because I was never the type of nigga to chase after no bitch, no matter how fine she was. I was used to bitches willingly handing me the pussy without even knowing their names. But lil mama was different. Shit, I didn’t even know if she was feeling a nigga or not because her ass was so damn mean. She’s probably used to running these scary ass niggas away with all of that attitude, but I could handle her ass for sure. Besides, nobody’s attitude was worse than mine.

  “Okay, your total will be seventeen eighty-three,” the worker said from behind the counter.